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Experiencing rejection, especially when it recurs often, is far from pleasant. An editor is declining your work, delivering a clear “Not interested.” As a writer, I am no stranger to setbacks. I commenced pitching manuscripts 50 years back, just after finishing university. From that point, I have had several works declined, along with nonfiction proposals and many short stories. During the recent 20 years, specializing in commentary, the rejections have only increased. On average, I face a rejection frequently—adding up to over 100 each year. Cumulatively, rejections in my profession exceed a thousand. Today, I could have a PhD in rejection.

But, is this a woe-is-me tirade? Far from it. Since, at last, at the age of 73, I have come to terms with being turned down.

In What Way Have I Managed This?

For perspective: At this point, nearly everyone and their relatives has given me a thumbs-down. I haven’t kept score my success rate—doing so would be quite demoralizing.

A case in point: lately, a newspaper editor nixed 20 pieces one after another before approving one. Back in 2016, no fewer than 50 publishing houses declined my book idea before one gave the green light. Subsequently, 25 representatives passed on a book pitch. A particular editor requested that I submit my work less frequently.

My Steps of Setback

When I was younger, every no stung. I took them personally. It was not just my writing being rejected, but myself.

As soon as a submission was turned down, I would begin the process of setback:

• First, shock. Why did this occur? How could editors be ignore my skill?
• Next, refusal to accept. Maybe you’ve rejected the mistake? It has to be an mistake.
• Third, dismissal. What can any of you know? Who appointed you to decide on my efforts? They’re foolish and your publication is poor. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, anger at those who rejected me, then self-blame. Why do I put myself through this? Am I a masochist?
• Fifth, bargaining (preferably accompanied by optimism). What does it require you to see me as a unique writer?
• Sixth, depression. I lack skill. Additionally, I can never become any good.

So it went through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Great Company

Of course, I was in fine fellowship. Accounts of authors whose books was at first rejected are plentiful. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Nearly each renowned author was originally turned down. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then maybe I could, too. Michael Jordan was dropped from his high school basketball team. The majority of American leaders over the past six decades had been defeated in campaigns. Sylvester Stallone claims that his Rocky screenplay and bid to appear were rejected repeatedly. “I take rejection as an alarm to motivate me and persevere, rather than retreat,” he has said.

The Final Phase

As time passed, when I entered my senior age, I reached the last step of setback. Understanding. Currently, I grasp the various causes why someone says no. For starters, an reviewer may have just published a comparable article, or have one in progress, or be thinking about that idea for another contributor.

Or, unfortunately, my pitch is uninteresting. Or the reader thinks I am not qualified or reputation to fit the bill. Perhaps is no longer in the market for the wares I am offering. Maybe didn’t focus and read my submission too fast to recognize its quality.

You can call it an epiphany. Anything can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is pretty much not much you can do about it. Certain rationales for rejection are always out of your hands.

Manageable Factors

Others are under your control. Let’s face it, my ideas and work may sometimes be ill-conceived. They may not resonate and resonance, or the point I am attempting to convey is poorly presented. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe something about my writing style, particularly commas, was unacceptable.

The point is that, despite all my long career and setbacks, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve written several titles—the initial one when I was middle-aged, my second, a memoir, at 65—and more than numerous essays. Those pieces have featured in publications major and minor, in diverse sources. My first op-ed ran when I was 26—and I have now written to that publication for half a century.

However, no bestsellers, no book signings publicly, no spots on popular shows, no presentations, no honors, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more readily take no at my age, because my, admittedly modest achievements have softened the blows of my frequent denials. I can afford to be reflective about it all at this point.

Instructive Setbacks

Setback can be instructive, but provided that you listen to what it’s trying to teach. Or else, you will likely just keep seeing denial all wrong. So what teachings have I gained?

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